"I don't Know"

Today I have been doing a lot of restructuring, resting, and re-organizing. I have explored some areas where I was feeling very dense and solidified in certain perspectives. It was cleansing, renewing, and insightful.
In my personal growth work I have noticed that I get very tired and exhausted when I am not paying attention to what my "attention" is on...also the motivations behind certain behaviors or choices can seem to be operating on automatic which plays into those times when I feel out of control of the circumstances of my life.

This is something that I know spreads across the globe....I feel its there because we are still operating through some very interesting filters that keep us separate....and asleep.

I'm incredibly grateful to have tools that can pick me up off the floor very easily and quickly. Those creations that seem to feel huge and have no edges (they feel all-encompassing right!?) are not completely draining my attention anymore. I can notice it....feel it....perhaps I'll even feel the suffering of the beliefs I am holding a little....whatever I need to feel to move through to a viewpoint shift and really own myself as the source being in my life.

In many ways I have reached an abyss in my consciousness. A new domain. A new level. Whatever I want to call it.....I can't quite understand it yet because it feels like I could pick any direction from here. There is so much "I DON'T KNOW!"

Exploring into the unknown can be really freaky. My mind likes to talk me out of it....and I am now learning to discern between a mind that wants to stay safe....and an intuition that senses a real danger. I used to just plunder over my intuition.....its honestly how I landed myself in a wheelchair. I "thought" my mind was being dumb when really it was my intuition sensing a real danger for me. I rebelled against my higher self and walked into an unstable situation. Lesson learned and heard loud and clear!

Interesting though....I wouldn't take back any of it. I have been shown so much through my experiences and I have moved mountains in my consciousness. You never really know how you are going to learn lessons....but if you are willing to go a different route and be courageous enough to go for it, you can find the lessons tucked into every relationship, interaction, and situation.

When we have completely shut off our emotions, our feelings, and our connections with others  because we are so trapped in our autopilot mind....we can have a more difficult time discerning what is "right" for us. My intuition has tugged on my shoulders, screamed in my ear, and yanked on my pant leg and still I would ignore it... saying "shut up" accompanied by an eye roll that I would give my mother.....often mistaking my sacred intuitive self for some worried parent in my head.

I didn't know how to predict.....I didn't know how to feel anything around me or let alone within. I didn't know that it was ok to NOT know! and I certainly didn't know that I was holding myself back by holding fixed  "I am right, you are wrong" viewpoints.

What a trap it can feel like!

.....perhaps this is the wave we are all riding...creating...and learning through.

But now I have glimpsed what is possible regardless of "not knowing."

We CAN create into the void of awareness. There are wonderful role models in my life that have paved a path to show others that we can move through these seemingly huge unknowns and black holes in consciousness.

....As soon as I let go of resisting and start being ok with "not knowing!"

Namaste my friends,
Laurie