Wow.This entry is more of a "dear diary" post than a lesson or story. I'm just experiencing life differently after this past week and weekend. I see that prior to opening my perception and practicing tools of awakened consciousness, I was a very shut down person. The 2 tragic events that just occured in the Orlando community are still swirling in my space. I thought it was the events specifically but I see that there are so many other factors for me.
For one thing, I live in FL and I've gotten to love the Orlando community and parks right in the downtown area. I have pranced around joyfully at markets and shops, and learned a little more about living in a bigger city than the small state of CT that I grew up in. It is wild and surreal to feel the energy here right now.
I'm experiencing a deep sadness for humanity that is also accompanied by a new powerful drive to do my part. I expect that a lot more people other than me will be having this reaction to life and what they can now do to make a difference. This seems to be our constant reminder in situations of crisis. I hope one day we won't need a crisis event to precede a transformation of society and civilization.
My mind is asking questions like "How can we increase tolerance?" " How can we move people into compassionate action?" "What can I do today from home?" "Who can I connect with?" "What have I not considered?" "What could happen from here?"
My mind has a lot of resistance to being "ok" with the "is-ness" of hatred and attacks in the world. Just last week I was exploring during a powerful course meant to increase your personal integrity with self and others that I haven't been so great at making sure I stay safe and keep others safe. I've been a little too "out there" thinking everyone is alright and no one will hurt "me." I had a very important conversation and found some interesting past impressions from movie characters that had been shaping my mis-alignment with keeping my sacred self out of dangerous situations. I have a new, wide, and caring perspective to start practicing now.
The truth is that what happened can happen anywhere and to anyone. We are constantly moving forward... around things.... and sometimes we trip, fall, get hurt, or worse. We pray for the least damage and yet there are some things that still do come knocking on our doors. When these things occur.....what do we do with them?
I used to ignore them. I used to make my mom turn off the TV. I used to tell people to put their attention on the positive and not the negative. I used to sacrifice myself to human rights rallies. I used to feel helpless......
Right now I'm feeling inspired, grateful, sad, and very vulnerable. I see one clear thing - my CHOICE point. I feel the fine and fragile edge of existence that we all try our hardest not to be reminded of sometimes. That might explain for me why things feel so unreal when we get hurt....we are in so much delusion about reality and what is potentially possible that we miss reality. Or maybe its because I spend less and less time connecting with my body, nature and real live human beings while I check facebook and instagram.
My work with the Avatar® course feels the most significant to me right now. I watched hundreds of new Avatar Masters and Integrity Masters come together to celebrate their oneness, their integration of belief systems, use the tools to genuinely appreciate, and much more over the course of last week. I wept such gratitude as I watched them dance, holding hands and swaying in the hotel ballroom.
Can we all start to experience everything that comes up for us? Can we feel these moments of tragedy fully and let the experience flow through us and into the past? Do you have the ability to move your attention onto those things you wish to accomplish in the face of fear and conflict?
I have to admit that before I took the Avatar Course I was pretty shut down to experiencing the full spectrum of life. Now I'm learning and opening up in life. I see that avoiding the "negative" and "sad', "angry", "bad" thoughts....isn't really what being loving and kind is. The bigger picture for me is that I need to acknowledge that humanity is me....and I am humanity. I can make a change by courageously integrating the pieces of my blueprint that are still out of alignment with the true self, the divine and sacred self that connects with the whole.
I'm humbled beyond words but somehow I continue to type right now as I just let myself keep going, keep going. I am going to encourage myself to get some sleep now, and to consider my powerful intention in the world to help people awaken their heart, spread compassion, integrate their beliefs, and wind down the right/wrong game. World Peace is possible with each other. Let's find the helpers and keep this mission of love alive.
Laurie
